I LOVE THE GAME
I’ve been in game now for 11 years. Caelum Infinitum has been my guild home for nearly 8 of those 11 years. It would be an understatement to say I’ve had some AMAZING adventures under the umbrella of C I. I love my guild.
But beyond that, I love everyone that shares in this wonderful game. I’ve never had a “friends list” or an “ignore list”. It never seemed necessary. If you share in the joy of EQ, then you are inherently a friend. Any scuffles or heat of the moment conflicts always seemed to pass and were laughed at in retrospect. If nothing else, I always saw it as representing a player’s passion for the game, nothing more or less.
I’ve never been a big “/ooc “guy. Sure there were the occasional quips or bad attempts at humor; a snarky remark here or there, but in general, I always wanted to focus more on the GAME and the mechanics of running around and interacting in these magical environments. I’ve always loved helping other players whenever I was able. Doing so led to great new challenges and experiences that I would otherwise not have had, and seeing corners of Norrath that I might not have explored. I much prefer standing toe to toe with some named mob (sometimes more than one, lol) at the back or a deep dark castle, riffling through pages and pages of “hot keys” for every possible wisp of an advantage, than discussing my personal opinion or feelings on this or that; this player, that player; these world events or those.
Not that I’m devoid of opinion or compassion for my fellow “Norrathians”, but I want all my focus and attention while in game to be, IN GAME. For me, having to type out my feelings or thoughts in this channel or that only lessens my ability to perform at my best and it detracted from my overall EQ experience. You want help punching on something, powering through this event or that, owning down a mob for this quest item or that? I’m your guy. You want to talk about your “feelings”? …Not so much.
Everquest has always been a welcome reprieve from the real world (I imagine for most of us). A fantastic, albeit virtual realm where we all have something in common: LOVE for the game. We log in and immerse ourselves in the deepest gaming content on line. And in so doing, become linked in this wonderful shared adventure.
I’ve even gone so far as to pick up a couple other accounts for some good friends whose well-being I care a great deal about. When I discovered it was becoming increasingly difficult for whatever reason for them to keep their accounts going on a consistent basis, I volunteered to step in and take over the monthly dues. I felt in both cases, they needed to always know that had a place to go to that would never change and was safe and welcoming for them: a safe harbor. I asked nothing in return other than to know it helps them and maybe lessens their daily stress and worry.
Some of you out there know that several years ago my life changed severely with a phone call. My dad called from Los Angeles asking me to come down and take care of mom for a “few days” while he dealt with the doctors and the then newly discovered issue of pancreatic cancer.
….I left my apartment within hours in Spokane, Washington and have not been home since. I went from chasing s down films all over the country and sometimes the world, to being BOTH my mom and dad’s “prime care giver” overnight: from being very light on my feet, to having to be within earshot most of the time. While I have 6 sisters and 2 brothers, I was the one dad asked to take this journey with him. Through all the chemo sessions, doctor visits, late nights, personal care and emergency rooms, and despite a very large extended family; just me and dad. That’s how he wanted it. I’m forever blessed for his trust and belief in me that I could handle it all, but it has taken a toll on me.
Through the ordeal I quickly became aware of the shape my mom was in as well; that 40 plus years of my dad doing virtually EVERYTHING for her left her powerless to fend for herself. Once dad was gone I sat mom down and asked her where she wanted to live now. She looked up at me and said, “Well, can I go home?” I then advised my brothers and sisters who were there after the service that we were done talking about this, and that it’s not only what mom wants, but it’s what dad would want FOR her.
So here I sit in Paradise Valley, Montana taking care of mom. I joke, but it’s not far from the truth, we couldn’t be much further away from everything and still have electricity.
Sorry to continue prattling on (those that are still with me). I actually HATE posting like this, but stuff needed to be said.
In order to stay focused in game AND stay on top of things here in the middle of nowhere, I made a conscience decision to step away from most chat channels including “/gu”. I felt that after all this time, those that knew me in game these many years, ALSO knew they could always send me a tell asking for help or whatever at any time and I would try to do my best to be supportive; especially given a little lead time, or a time and date so I could get things in order here with mom and such before jumping into game.
But, what’s that saying: “nature abhors a vacuum”? It appears that not being in a channel also means NOT being able to defend yourself in said channel. I wrongly assumed that my intensions and motives needed no explanation and things were pretty clear given my current set of circumstance. I mean, my life and responsibilities towards my mom and our home in this beautiful desolation have changed SO radically these past few years that I had do SOMETHING that would enable me to both enjoy the game and simultaneously be able to keep tabs on the household. I thought I had it figured out.
Mentally, spiritually, emotionally, this game, EVERQUEST and all of you in it have pulled me through some extremely difficult times. When I thought I was losing it, I turned to you. When I felt I had nowhere else to go, I’d log in to the warmth and consistency of the game. You’ve been coffee in the morning and a glass of wine at night. You mean more to me than you know and I’ve continued to try and help friends both in AND out of guild. Alliances modulate, guild rosters get tweaked, but the great people BEHIND the characters for the most part remain a constant; a true North.
For that reason, I’ve always remained close to the great collection of folks that flow in and out of the “Freelance” events. Some I’ve known as long as I’ve been in game. My intent was never to cause any conflicts, but to do everything I could to be as helpful AS I could, given my current reality. Recently I attended two back to back Undershore events in Arthicrex. I was very proud to be almost the last man standing at the end of the queen event and to see so many folks get flagged. It was one of those great EQ “woot” moments.
Guild policy forbids raid content lock out conflicts so as FL was distributing loot and getting ready to head over to “Tic Toc” in HoT, I took my accolades, left group and gated to the guild lobby. I had done exactly this many times before to not cause a problem for my guild or the Alliance. But THIS time, in my haste to go and check in on my mom, I forgot to actually click out and “leave raid”. Even though I was then AFK for 2 hours at that point, I managed to get credit for the HoT event creating a lock out timer. I was actually totally unaware of this and thought everything was fine until days later when I unable to attend the Alliance event.
I broke a long standing guild policy. And, after 8 years, I paid the price.
This changes absolutely nothing about how I continue to approach the game. Love each other. Care for each other. Do everything you can to help one another. Respect each other’s differences and playing styles. At this level of the game you’re all such AMAZING players, don’t let anyone dictate to you how to play your characters. Only YOU know what’s best for YOU. Play HARD but play FAIR. In all things, do your best to separate the truth from the fiction and act accordingly.
We’re all one big Everquest family!
Love to you all,
Bubbley (“Bubbs”) -Warrior- Cazic Thule/ Fennin Ro
